Unequivocal No
by wee-me
Summary: Sometimes the answer is no, no matter the question or the person asking. Trio of drabbles only related by theme.
1. Not A Chance Little Goth Girl

**Unequivocal No**

Authoress: Wee-Me

**DISCLAIMER**: I don't own Betel, Lydia, or the portrayal of either from the movie. Don't sue me, I don't profit from this save for the joy of reviews.

PSEUDO-WARNING: Not a big deal I don't think, but this sort of mocks Lydia's emo tendencies in the movie and mentions cutting in passing. If that bothers you this is not the chapter for you.

Part One: Not a Chance Little Goth Girl

"Beetle-juice, Beetle-juice, Beetle-juice."

It had taken a lot of courage for Lydia to make the call, but she knew it was what she needed. She waited for the flashy poltergeist to show. She fiddled with the hem of her shirt. Twiddled her thumbs. Adjusted her veil. She straightened her bed. Ten minutes had passed. She flopped down at her desk chair in a huff. She sat dejectedly among her occult treasures- tarot decks, Ouija boards, various runes, and other bits she thought looked macabre- and opened up her laptop to write some angsty poetry and blog out her frustration.

"Where is he?" she asked aloud after typing for several moments. She was sure all her poems were gems. Also that she was going to be a big star because, even if people didn't appreciate her work in life (at all), after her death they'd sell like hotcakes.

She noticed new text on the page. It said: **Not there.**

"Why not?" she whined.

**Not worth my time girlie.**

"But I'm ready to go with you now. To the other side. I'll marry you if that's what it takes."

**Sorry kid, proposal was a onetime offer. And I'm no tour guide. Now run along and be sad on someone else's time, I got stuff to do. **

"So you won't help me?"

**After what happened last time? That's a big N-O. If you need help go to therapy. I hear kids like you who cut themselves get attention. Now leave me alone. **

"But I need you. This isn't where I belong. I'm stifled here and no one appreciates me. Help me."

**Too bad, but since it's not my problem and I don't care the answer stays no. Thanks for the laugh though. **

He was gone then, the blinking cursor mocking her, and no amount of calling, pleading, or begging brought him back. 

End: Part One

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Another drabble set only related by theme, seems to be my thing at the moment. Nope this isn't a Betel plus Lydia equals true love fic, I may try that again another day. Writing whiney Lydia was fun if only because she got shot down so thoroughly.


	2. Tough Luck Shorty

**Unequivocal No**

Authoress: Wee-Me

**DISCLAIMER**: I don't own Betel, Lydia, or the Post Its brand (though I do own a few pads of said product). Don't sue me, I don't profit save for the occasional stroke to my ego.

Part Two: Tough Luck Shorty

It took him over a year to get back, he couldn't be sure exactly how long, but over a year at least. He's come as fast as he could though and that had to count for something. He'd brushed his hair back with an impatient hand and slapped the worst of the dust from the long wait in the office before gathering his energy to make the necessary jumps. It had taken over a year, but all that quiet time had made him realize that Lydia was the girl for him. She was the only living woman in most of his of afterlife that had held his interest for more than a few hours and that was saying something- he'd seem a **lot** of women in his time.

He wasn't supposed to go where he'd been sent away from and wasn't technically supposed to **be able** to get there, but since when had he let something stupid like that stop him? So he'd gathered up all his energy and set to kicking down metaphysical barriers like his version of a knight in shining armor. He awoke, dazed a bit, in Lydia's room. In his miniature form. Crap.

"Oh, eww, what is that smell?" cried a voice from the bed.

_Okay, that isn't good, but it can get better_ he reassured himself. He hopped over to her nightstand, absently noticing that he and the Post It notes on the table were about the same height.

"Hiya Babes," he squeaked. "How ya been?"

She groaned again and threw her hand over her eyes. "It's too late for this to be one of my nightmares about Him. Plus I'm pretty sure I'm awake. And it's too early in life for me to have dementia, at least I think. So either He's really here or Delia's been painting with the windows closed again and I'm having a really weird hallucination."

Without uncovering her eyes she reached out to jab him with her other hand. He was pretty happy with the fact that she hadn't just smashed him flat, but that was the only good thing he could see.

"Seven A.M. on a Monday morning and invaded by insane poltergeists. Some days I don't see the point in getting out of bed. Time to call Juno."

She drew a breath and he sprung over to her pillow. "Wait! I just wanna talk. And I bet Juno's already on her way, burnin' the soles off her sensible shoes. She's like that when I'm involved."

She uncovered one eye. "What do we have to talk about exactly? How you tried to kill my dad? Or maybe how you voided our deal when you tried to off the people I asked you to save? Ooh, or how about where you played me and …"

He cut her off with a desperate flail of his tiny arms. "Whoa Babes, hold up! I came here to tell you somethin', not to drag up the past for you or upset you!"

Her glare clearly screamed "bull" but her mouth, such a pretty mouth when it wasn't turned down in scorn, just said "Talk then. Make it fast."

He toed at the ground, her pillow case, and rubbed the fine hairs on the back of his neck. "Okay. I'm just gonna say it." He blew out a deep breath. "Babes. Lydia. I… Have I mentioned that I like your hair? It's nice long. Not that it wasn't before, but… Ah-ah-ah, no need to swear. And leave my mother out of this, she was a saint. Now, what I'm tryin' to say is that I, um, I, I, IloveyoubabesthereIsaidit." He smiled up at her like a little boy with a crush. He could see her working out what he'd said and filtering it for meaning. That close he could see all the tiny micro-expressions flit over her face before it settled on incredulous.

"You love me? Love me?! Are you out of your mind? Wait, don't answer that, I already know you are. What were you thinking coming here to like to me like that? I cannot believe you. You conned me once, it won't happen again, so try to sell it somewhere else." She was practically seething by the end of her outburst, angry probably as much at her younger self for falling for his tricks as she was at the situation, and not a little insulted. Her mouth had set itself in a hard line and her eyes were cold.

"But I'm telling the truth. Can't you just give me a chance?" He put all his hope and his heart into his eyes, trying to make her see he meant what he said. He could see that she wanted to believe, saw the flickers of hope and yearning before the mistrust and something bitter (experience or self-doubt he'll never know) settled in to stay.

"No, **no. **I'm not going to fall for any of your lines. You **don't **want **me**, you just want someone alive and apparently you think I'm dumb enough to fall for your crap twice! I asked Juno to be easy on you because you mostly helped me, so I figure we're square. Thanks even, but…" She breathed hard through her teeth, letting it hiss out in short gasping whistles. It was the pain it was causing her that bothered him most and he was almost glad when Juno took him away before the tears could fall.

End: Part Two

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Second drabble in the "no" theme. Crushing Betel was so much fun I almost felt bad. Almost. Yes, I'm so mean. I'm going to go let loose an evil laugh, you review.


	3. Sadly, No

**Unequivocal No**

Authoress: Wee-Me

**DISCLAIMER**: I don't own Betel or Juno. Don't sue me, I don't profit from this and it makes me sad.

Part Three: Sadly, No

"So Junebug, what's the damage this time? Community service? Office work?" Betelgeuse called as he blustered his way in to Juno's office.

She didn't answer, didn't seem to hear him, just took a moment to look him over as if she'd never seen him before.

"Who shot your dog Junebug? Is it really that much trouble to see your old pal?"

He knew something was wrong, she should have been reading him the riot act not looking like she'd lost her best friend.

Lost her best friend.

He's her best friend.

Oh.

"Juno, what's going on?" he asked in a quiet voice.

She slid a piece of paper across her desk before looking away to blink tears from her eyes. It was a memo he found upon reading it, once he managed to tear his eyes away from his strong Juno in tears, from somewhere up the hierarchy from Juno.

TO: Juno

SUBJECT: Betelgeuse

Case #: B373L93U53

Despite your eloquent defense of subject the decision stands and sentence will be carried out as planned. You may have ten minutes to say your farewells and settle the estate/any issues before subject is exorcised and removed from this plane. 

He had to ask, "Is there nothing you can do?" though he knew the answer before she shook her head.

"I tried," she whispered, choking on tears.

He tried to smile for her, tried to make it all right, but he couldn't quite wrap his mind around the fact that his time was running short. He'd known it could happen. Juno had warned him the first time he left the office (and many times after) and he'd seen troublemakers sent on when he worked the offices, but he believed himself too strong, too lucky, and too different to actually suffer the consequences. He could already feel a grating pull at the edges of his awareness. He didn't want to be pushed into the unknown. Would it be Heaven? Hell? Another level in the bureaucracy? He didn't know and it was maddening. He wanted to scream, throw a tantrum, to cry, to be sick, and to rail at the injustice. But most of all he wanted to get that look off Juno's face.

"S'okay Junebug. I-I'm sure you did your best. Guess it's just my time."

She knew what he was trying to do, he never could keep much from her, but she flashed him a tiny smile before it fell and she sobbed again. Then she was wobbling her way over to him, into his arms, and so small. _Has she always been so small?_ he wondered. They grasped each other and clung tight. She rambled apologies over and over, but there was nothing to forgive- all of his problems were his own fault even if he'd never wanted to admit it. Time was running out so he held her at arm's length and gave her a little shake to get her attention.

"Juno? Juno look at me. It's not your fault. You did more than I coulda asked and you're a better friend than I deserve." He ran his hands up and down her arms. "What else did it say? Estate- yeah, my estate is yours, for what it's worth. Some of my crap should be sellable."

"Betel, I…"

"It's okay."

"No, it isn't. You're supposed to be here. You get in trouble and I deal with it, that's what we do. You're not supposed to get Sent On and you're not supposed to go without a fight."

He hugged her once more before stepping away. The pull had gotten to an unbearable strength, like a new kind of death, and he grimaced.

"Just turn around and forget me, okay? Don't think about me until it's your time to come over. Just be happy and forget me, okay? Don't let this get to you. Do that for me. Please." He nods in a manic way looking on the verge of a panic attack. Then his ability to speak was gone as the pain overtook him and he was thrown violently into the unknown.

As Juno dropped to her knees where he'd just been she denied him his last request. "No Betel, I won't forget."

End: Part Three

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Last of the "no" stories I think. Yes the case number is lame, let's move on. "Beetlejuice" came on as I was typing, made me smile. Yes, I'm very evil, you don't need to tell me, but you can if you want.


End file.
